1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
