You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize