Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
