Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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