You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
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I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."