Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
