Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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