I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
