when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
