I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
