the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
