he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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