if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
