You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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