took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
