my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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