I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work