but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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