2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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