3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
there is puke in my bra ... again
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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