I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
