When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.