She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night