so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...