in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS