yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
