I am in a vortex of obligation.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
