; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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