I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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