just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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