dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
