dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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