my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's never too late to be topless.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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