I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
