Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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