my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
