yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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