I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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