shes about as inviting as chlamydia
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
