she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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