How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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