We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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