Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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