I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
