I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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