You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
