I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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