i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.