i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
