I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
