Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize