Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
