i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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