wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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